Reader

September 17th 2010. I was still in PreMed at The University of Southern Mississippi living in that shitty little apartment off West 4th Street with the terrible brown carpet and the guy below me who played Smoke On The Water poorly on his out of tune guitar thrice daily. It was a Friday, and I only had a few afternoon classes and had just gotten back to the ol desk and sat down to catch up on some SomethingAwful threads (back when it was still a good forum). I'd been seeing rumblings about the game Minecraft for a while, but as a broke college student whos greatest luxury was getting Lil' Caesers every few weeks, I wasn't at a surplus of cash to throw down on Early Access games. Well as luck would have it, Notch fucked up the login system and decided to just let everyone play the game for free that weekend. I seized on it of course, and downloaded the game and logged in around 6PM. Being 13 years ago almost so I don't recall all the details, but what I remember most is that after logging in, I got absorbed into the game, only being pulled out what I assumed was a few hours later when I realized I hadn't had supper.
It was 3AM.
Great story Taylor, but what's the point? The point is that's the only time a game has been able to wrap me up like that, to entirely envelop my entire being into it. Until now. I'm older now and thing's have changed of course, but as I closed Hogwarts Legacy last night, and realized I had sunk a cool 10+ hours into the game completely interrupted, I had to pause for a moment to consider how good a game has to be to pull me in like that once again.
To preface: I will not be addressing or even mentioning any relation to Clown World Culture War bullshit in this review. It's stupid, probably manufactured, and almost certainly a marketing gimmick. YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO PROPAGANDA.
To go back into the past for a second, I'm probably in the prime age range for who Harry Potter was intended for when it originally came out. I think I remember reading it first when I was 9, and it just blew my little redneck mind. I was already a fan of Tolkien at this point, so the British genre of fantasy writing was just crack for me. Now, I quickly outgrew it as kids do, but I've always retained a soft spot for the series in my heart despite Rowling insisting on making everyone gay for some reason. The movies too were great, but there was never a game that really encapsulated the magic of Harry Potter. Sure, the movie tie in games weren't terrible but they're old, janky, and just rehashes of the books. So when Hogwarts Legacy got leaked a few years ago, I near about pissed myself with excitement. Naturally of course I ordered the Deluxe Edition because I have more money than sense, but mainly I wanted to get that head start and play as soon as possible. The preorder bonuses are ok, nothing great, and the mount included isn't even unlocked until DEEP unto the game, well after the midpoint of the main quest.

Story

A bold, but appreciated, choice by the developers was to place the game in the late 19th century, far from any of the events of the main Harry Potter story, even predating Tom Riddles birth by about 30 years. The game focuses on the lost art of Ancient Magic and a small band of Hogwarts professors who worked to hid the truth of it from those that would abuse it. Ancillary to this is the backdrop of a Goblin uprising led by a Dark Arts wielding Goblin named Ranrock. You, the main character, are a 5th year just starting at Hogwarts, something very unheard of. You have little to no backstory, whether or not this is an intentional element to the story or just purely a chance for the player to project their own backstory on the character I am not yet sure, although I have my theories. Immediately you are thrown into the shit when a rogue dragon bites half of your carriage off, including a Ministry stooge (who I still say isn't dead. First rule of fiction: If you don't see a body, they aren't dead.) The game takes no time to introduce you to the main elements and players, as you work your way through the Scottish Highlands to the depths of Gringotts, and finally to Hogwarts as you begin to discover the Ancient Magic. I appreciated the ongoing trope of Main Characters in the HP Universe having the most arduous and fucked up journey to Hogwarts possible.
The game progresses mostly as such, with the addition of attending classes, completing (rather enjoyable) side quests for fellow students, and most of all, going on a HELL of a Collect-A-Thon. Now I know that lost one is super controversial. Some people DESPISE collection games, but as someone who grew up idolizing Rare games, especially the Banjo Kazooie series, there's something very Zen and nostalgic about running around and completing little puzzles for nothing more than completion percentage and little trinkets.
I found myself not even that annoyed of the side quests, and even actively sought them out along my way. Many of these games make the mistake of having these very involved side quests that take up a bunch of time and lead the player all across the map, but I found most of the side quests were very self contained to a small area, easily done while working on one of the larger Main Story quests.

Gameplay

Obviously, as a wizard (or witch), your primary weapon is magic, and an impressive arsenal are you given to wield. Most spells are divided into 4 or so “schools” of Control, Force, Damage, and Utility (Transfiguration and Unforgiveable Curses come in later, as well as some spells to feed and groom animals????) The primary wand flick attack feels anemic, but once you get the big fire spell, Incendo, you start to feel like a god. It's further enhanced later into the story as you unlock “Talents” that augment spells, essentially turning you into a 16 year murder machine. Oh yeah, that's another point, not strictly related to gameplay that I found odd. The books were mostly based towards children, and yes they were a coming of age story and did get rather dark around Goblet of Fire, but I was struck by just how quickly your character descends into just straight up mercing dudes, I mean just straight up pulverizing and turning brothers into ash. Very hardcore. The most satisfying of it all is the combos you can line up, throwing a guy up in the air then yeeting him across the room into a wall. The Force spells especially have some great potential for shenanigans and again, just feels so satisfying. The curses are late in the game, but are so cool. You feel like they're actually a mythic and unspeakable thing that you sacrifice part of your soul for using.
One of my favorite mechanics that I've gone on and on about is The Room of Requirement that gets introduced to you around midgame. A small pocket dimension of Hogwarts that allows the player to customize, build work stations and growing spots to cultivate herbs and other resources. You even eventually get a small menagerie to raise and breed magical animals (that you get by kidnapping them with the appropriately punned “nab-sack”).
Fairly early on you're taught how to fly on a broom, which completely changes how you traverse the map. Flying on the broom feels great, its not as in depth or fluid as say, World of Warcraft's recently release “Dragon Riding”, but it feels so good on Mouse and Keyboard, and can only assume it's more fluid on controller (which I didn't try). The hippogriffs are an “upgrade” to this system, but personally I found them way clunkier and less fluid.
The gear system feels superfluous, at best, and annoyingly tedious at worst. Your inventory fills up very quickly, and can only be increased by doing a bunch of Merlin Challenges across the map, which are also slightly tedious, but enjoyable enough. Later on via the Room of Requirement you can upgrade gear which makes it a little better, but still feels pointless. Clothes can have traits added to them like less damage from goblins or spiders, enhancing certain spells. It feels like a system that would be good if it turnover on gear wasn't so fast, but maybe I'm just playing it wrong. A big complaint from me regarding the gear especially is the way that cosmetic changes are gear based, instead of slot based, so when you replace an item you have to go through and change it custom appearance as well. It's the same in World of Warcraft, so you'd think I would be used to it, and yet here I am, still pissed.
I will say however, that the game is not free of many of the ills that have befallen Open World games. The map is huge, and I wont say empty, but not extremely varied outside of the castle and Hogsmeade. There's a plethora of challenges, little hamlets to explore, caves to delve for treasures, and powerful beasts to slay, but it just feels like something I've seen before (AC Odyssey, Fenix Immortal Rising) but with a new skin. This isn't a knock, it's just what it is, a consequence of Open World games, its a hard genre to reinvent. That said, what a Hell of a skin to put on it

Art and Sound

I'm not near as nostalgic for the Harry Potter theme as say, The Lord of the Rings soundtrack, but the magical whispy theme still fills me with that air of mystery and wonder. The design of the game feels very faithful to the near whacky design of the books, while keeping it realistic enough with its wonkard ass looking houses, It looks great, but warning: The game requires a fairly beefy rig to run maxed out. Even with my 3080 Ti, I encounter a good bit of chugging in certain areas of the world and more often, the castle. These are hopefully issues that can be ironed out in patches later on.
The major point of praise goes to the animations. Oh God it all feels so smooth. There's one specifically when you invoke the Ancient Magic attack and it throws someone up in the air and repeatedly bashes them into the ground. Just chef kiss. I just love the little things about it too: The way the Slytherin door reveals itself, how people and things do that weird whirly thing when they teleport. All these little things together just makes the whole experience so fluid and visceral.
With the story changes, so too does the world change. You start in a nice fall atmosphere with slow changes into Halloween and Christmas as the school term progresses. Hogwarts turning into a Winter Wonderland wasn't something I expected, but mounting up on the broom and swooping around the snow covered landscape was so nice, especially considering it was in the 70s outside that day.
Two of my primary complaints are also fairly big ones. Firstly, there's an option to pitch your characters voice, but it makes it sound very unnatural, tinny and canned. When I streamed the game on Early Access launch day, everyone said they didnt hear it, but its there. Secondly, I see a lot of uncanny stuff with the faces I don't like, especially with the player character. Feels almost like LA Noir.

Final Thoughts

Did it live up to the hype? More than yes, which is refreshing to see. So many games in the past decade or so have been hyped to the moon and fallen well short (thought most later on got patched up to be decent to good games i.e. Cyberpunk and especially No Man's Sky). I want to see more from this game. I'm not finished with the game yet and I already know I won't be satisficed by the end. I want Quidditch DLC, I want a Triwizard DLC, maybe even a Ministry DLC. But most of all, and I wont hold my breath, but I want a mode of this game that makes the game more role playable for infinite replay value. It wasn't how the game was pitched, but I was very disappointed to find there's almost no immersiveness to the game. Common rooms have no real use, classrooms are just part of scripted cutscenes. I'm not sure what the modding potential of this game is, but if possible, would love to see what the community can come up with.

TL;DR

A great game that looks great, feels great, and sounds great that will only get better with time. Well worth the money, but maybe pass on the Deluxe Edition.

Tits. Sorry, breasts. Dammit, take 3: Big ol sloppy bazongas. I can’t get them off my mind, because nothing else about Spy Classroom was noteworthy enough to talk about, aside from the MCs giant knockers. Distractingly large, really. I’d had hope for this, unfortunately. After the success of Spy X Family and this seasons Buddy Daddies, I’d hoped we were in a GOLDEN AGE of spy animes. Well, maybe with those two, but Spy Classroom ain't one of ‘em.

We follow our large chested protag, Lily, a bottom percentile student at a spy school. Spy schools exist in this world by the by, I’m not 100% sure why but something about war being Hell and never changing, I don’t know, I was distracted by her HUGE TITS. Seriously. You might be thinking I'm exaggerating this. I am not. I’ve seen big anime tits before but, this is supposed to be a psuedo-serious show and we’re supposed to take Lily at least a little serious but how can you when shes hauling those milk wagons around? “Taylor, is this review just about Lily’s breasts?” Yes, but I digress. A great war is coming and a crack team of spies is needed to avert it. Similar beats to Spy x Family, actually. By crack spies I of course mean a bunch of other failures and bottom of the barrels students like Lily, including the cool silver haired Monika, voiced by my personal queen, Aoi Yukki and the only reason I gave this show a passing glance. This is where it starts to feel like a harem, and where the “comedy”? I think is supposed to begin. The sensei tasked with this is a master spy, maybe the best in the world, but completely inept at teaching the students who realize they’re cannon fodder, meant to get clapped during the “Impossible Mission” they are tasked with. I say comedy because it’s not very funny, yeah I got a few chuckles, maybe even, dare I say, a chortle, but overall it felt forced and a little bit cringe. The climax of the episode was a Battle of the Wits between teacher and student when Lily poisons her sensei to try and get him to, uh, not suck at teaching? Seems extreme but ok. Anyways BIG shocker it doesn’t work, he outsmarted her like a Dollar General Light versus L, but less fun and with MUCH bigger tits.

Like most anime's from feel., it looks good enough. They've been consistent enough that it’s competent, but this is no Hinamatsuri or Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU. What’s wild is the source material for this is apparently highly rated and praised, another part of what had me interested. I don’t know if something was lost in the transition from manga to anime or if it was just overrated, I don’t know, but going purely of the first episode, this is a drop for me. That’s it, that’s the review. It sucks. Except Lily’s tits.

OK, here's the pitch: 2 guys. One, a handsome playboy, well rounded guy, cooks, dresses well, lover of the ladies. The other? John Wick if he was a hikikomori. Wow, what a show, yeah? Well hold on, lemme add a little Chemical X to this: A cute and precocious little girl they have to now take care of.

That’s Buddy Daddies in a nutshell, and despite the terrible name, is an absolute gem of an anime (as well as my darkhorse for the 2023 Winter Season). An original by P.A. Works, Buddy Daddies first episode blew my expectations away. Yes, I thought it looked good from the blurb and the PV, but frankly I expected mediocre animation and some ok comedy, but no, I was hooked in the first few minutes. Despite being a completely underrated and looked over show for the season, it FEELS like a big anime and its clear P.A. Works is actually trying on this (Unlike Fairy Gone). Being an original had me worried for a minute, given the poor track record originals have had in the past few years, Listeners most notably coming to mind. A stark departure from Charlotte for director Yoshiyuki Asai, Buddy Daddies feels like it could easily turn out to be the comedy of the year.

The characterization between the two main characters: Kazuki, the aforementioned playboy, and Rei, the silent assassin who seems more content playing JRPGs in their apartment than out killing for a living, is what really sells the show. It could frankly have just been built around the two of them in an Odd Couple style show, but adding in the third element of Miri, the airheaded girl oblivious to the gore and carnage around her just adds to the shows charm. The first episode merely set up the characters and how they all came to be, including Rei and Kazuki murdering Miri’s deadbeat father (after he held the little girl hostage in a ploy to stop the assassins). Did I mention how cute Miri was, because its honestly painful. Literal pain at how unbearably cute and precious she is. It all ties in perfectly to Kazuki’s brief flashes to a family he was forced to leave behind, clearly tortured by that loss. It’s a compelling dynamic, especially for Kazuki who preaches against attachments in their dangerous life as assassin’s, understanding the risks and being unable to be there for loved ones.

Art wise, the show just looks great, I mean has PA Works ever put out a turd? Yes, ok Fairy Gone but that was CG and there’s none of that here. The only problem I had, and this is purely on me, was that Kazuki reminds me too much of Kazuya from Rent-A-Girlfriend and it makes me uncomfortable. Of course it’s purely a visual thing, character wise they couldn’t be further apart but I just look at him and every time I do I think of that stupid cuck who wont date best girl (Ruka). Miri is just great, everything about here is pure sugar. Watching her face light up as she digs into a cake is a balm for a weary soul. I swear half the budget went into animating her.

Can I recommend Buddy Daddies? Not only can I, I should and I will. This is a MUST watch, and honestly, I think it applies to everyone. Im recommending this to normie friends, weeb friends, CGDCT friends, everyone. Honestly believe it has that level of appeal because its such a mainstream premise. Who doesn’t want to see where the life of two polar opposite hitmen trying to take care of a little girl goes? I know I do, and I’ll be tuning in every week, excited the second I see it hit Plex, I mean the totally legal streaming service I use.

For reference throughout this review, I played the Scarlet version. Not that it makes too much of an impact but I think I'm fair in saying that if you played Violet you’re a Communist who hates America and punches babies and voted for Jill Stein.

Time has begun slipping away at a rate I am officially uncomfortable with. Seems like just yesterday the hype for Sword and Shield was building, and now that generation has come and gone and here we are with yet ANOTHER entry to the series. Getting old, am I right guys? (Loud booing) Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, set in the exotic locale of uh, Spain, promises a brand new and fresh look into the world of Pokemon in Game Freaks second iteration on the Switch. Looking to build off the Switches improved resources, they decided to double dip into the “Open World” concept, sprinkling in some lessons learned from Arceus and boy howdy, it’s a concept.

Right off the bat, I’ll address the Phanpy in the room. If you thought Sword and Shield ran poorly, then buckle up. I’m a snob for graphics. I'm sorry I just am I know, God ,the worst but it is what it is. Personally the most jarring and off putting things have been the pisspoor LOD in all of its 5 polygon glory and the, literal, 5 FPS background animations of NPCs just outside render distance. It’s bad, it really is folks. And it doesn’t stop there. Texture quality across the board is subpar, even compared to Sword/Shield and Arceus. Lighting bugs and wonky shadows really round out the crap show that is the graphics.

Gameplay wise, it’s a whole other story. Its a Pokemon game, you know what you're getting, but Arceus definitely taught Gamefreak some lessons, as the entire game now is open world, Pokemon roam freely, and for me the most important bit, no forced trainer fights. Embarrassing to admit, but trainers in Sword kicked my ass. Is it me getting old? Do I just suck? I don’t know, but I was getting dookie chuted time and time again when I went up against 9 year old little Mary Sue with her Pokemon bending me over for a spanking. Tough scene! Items are collected throughout the overworld as in all games and the design is fairly linear to begin with, but from what I understand later on it becomes anything but. Functionally Terastallization feels no different than Mega Evolutions, and serves essentially the same function. At least it looks cool.

Story, well, there’s a story, but for me it’s mostly overshadowed by the stalker mamacita “rival” of the series Nemona who serves as your constant tour guide and potential future rabbit boiler. (That’s a Fatal Attraction reference for the Zoomers reading. It’s a good movie. Don’t stick your dick in crazy.) The “Team” bad guys are back, this time as a constant background gang instead of a group of simps for a 10 year old girl. The game revolves initially around some Harry Potter ass stuff as you find yourself enrolled in a prestigious Pokemon trainer school and then go on to, I don’t know, probably break up organized crime and fight God. I haven’t played the entire game but I’ve got a 50% chance of one of those being right.

Finally, and yes this deserves its own paragraph because I’m an A E S T H E T I C S chad: My PRIMARY complaint, as stupid as it is, comes down to the lack of customization. Whether we realized it or not, the last two entries on the Switch spoiled us with how much we could change our characters appearance from physical to clothes and accessory, and while the salons remain as do accessory stores, you are stuck for the entirety of the game with your school outfit. I realize the game is based around the school, yes. Yes I realize you can technically change the outfit into one of its 4 seasonal forms, but it’s not the same dammit. I play these games as glorified dress up simulators, OK? Take that away and what do I have left? A 50 hour game about catching Pokemon, training them during our adventures in which we meet and befriend a quirky cast of characters that we will grow to love and remember fondly for years to come? Lame!

So what’s the final verdict? It’s not a bad game, but it is a bad Pokemon game. Far and away the weakest of the mainline entries, and even among the spinoffs it’s down there pretty far. The Switch can only be blamed for so much of the shortcomings here. Plenty of other games like Xenoblade and even Arceus managed to squeeze a lot out of the little console, but Scarlet and Violet seemed to be barely trying, scrapping by purely on hype and name recognition. And to be fair, a lot of these problems can be solved with patches and DLC, but it shouldn’t have to come down to that, not from a franchise like this. If you love Pokemon, then you’ll love this despite its quirks and failures, but if you were hoping for a great new innovation or a groundbreaking entry from this timeless series, you might have to wait a little longer

Dollar Store K-ON. That’s what I called Bocchi the Rock when I first saw it on MyAnimeList a month ago, a Dollar Store K-On. That of course was before I noticed it was produced by the much loved Cloverworks, and after finally watching it, I have to admit I was wrong, which I’m man enough to do (because its so rare that I’m wrong). Bocchi the Rock is no Dollar Store K-On. Its Private Selection K-On.

Hitori Gotou, our pink haired protagonist sits along in her house lamenting what a loser she is. Her first year of middle school and nobody likes her, but resolves to change that through the power of music and friendship or something. Armed with her fathers Gibson guitar, Hitori spends the next 3 years mastering the art and making a grand total of 0 friends, but hey shes kinda famous online! Anyway one thing leads to another and another girl approaches her in a park and asks her to join a band and everyone cheers. Yeah but if I do it everyone yells at me and I have to register in a database. Fucking double standards. Their band sucks, to put it nicely, just jamming some instrumentals in a seedy below street level dive, but their hearts in it and Hitori, God bless her, she’s chipping way at that social anxiety. Watching her playing her guitar from her closet as she uploads clips to her YouTube is equal parts heartwarming and depressing, but not quiet as depressing as her trying to “put herself out there” in a way that would prompt her classmates to talk to her. But I think thats the most human part of the narrative: Putting the impetus of socializing on others to make the first move. If you're reading this and you do that, don't do it, it's dumb. Just go talk to people its not hard.

I’ve bitched a lot lately about how I’ve fallen off the slice of life moe train in the past few years. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all I keep saying, but Bocchi breaks out of that rut for me. Yeah the art style is real moe crap but the characters are real and honest enough to be relatable in their own weird ways so when they do their dumb cute faces it doesn’t have quiet the saccharine after taste that regular slice of life does. I even found myself actively cheering for little Hitori, weirdly enough. I WANT to see this retarded high school girl succeed. I WANT her to headline the Budokan.

Though this share’s many similarities with K-On, I was out of pocket to refer to it as a clone. Bocchi definitely has enough charm of its own to set it apart from the Cute Girls Doing Cute Rock Things genre that K-On so well defined. I won’t say it’s a much watch, but if you want to laugh while watching airheaded girls try and make a band, then try it out.

IM DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy

The new york football giants walked into a british cuck stadium filled with “cheese heads” with a busted ass defense, 4 of the 5 starting targets out and danny dimes beaten and bloody with none of his normal mobility. These absolute DOGS beat the shit out of hippie ass rodgers crying about his lack of targets while he's high on drugs. the two time “reigning mvp” should retire and stay in cuck country. Brian Daboll is coach of the year already and the giants are going all the way